So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
