woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
