I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
