I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
