You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
