My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
