I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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