Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
