I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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