I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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