Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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