So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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