I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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