Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
