that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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