Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
