if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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