..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
