my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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