I queefed so loud it echoed.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
