just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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