His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
