Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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