dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you traded sex for a burrito?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
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