What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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