and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
