I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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