Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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