hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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