We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
