My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
