OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
