Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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