Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
