Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
