Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Randomize
