I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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