I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
