I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
