Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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