My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
