Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
