I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i would punch a child for taco bell
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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