why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
