you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize