were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
