After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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