He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
