is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize