whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
