I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize