Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
