Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
