His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
