I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
