If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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