I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
