I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
