and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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