Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just googled if crying burns calories
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
