Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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