what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
