Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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