dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We named our party play list daddy issues
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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