He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
