I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
