..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
