I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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