The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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