I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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