Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Found the puke drawer
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
