Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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