saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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