Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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