I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
