he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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