Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
